How to build and sustain leadership confidence when the stakes are high
It's 3 AM and you can't sleep. Your board presentation is tomorrow - eighteen months of work, your team's reputation, and a seven-figure budget on the line. You've prepared like crazy, but you're feeling shaky. It really could go either way.
Meanwhile, someone else in the same high-stakes situation is sleeping just fine. Not because they were born with leadership confidence, but because they've been smart about building up their reserves.
I've seen this pattern repeat with all kinds of leaders - FTSE 100 executives, startup founders, you name it. The ones who handle pressure well aren't naturally confident people. They've just invested time in understanding what confidence actually is.
And it sure as hell isn’t a feeling.
Confidence isn’t all positive affirmations or pep talks. It's a consistent, deliberate practice. It's work. Practical, backed by research, but totally learnable work.
The same is true whether this is your first leadership challenge or your hundredth. There isn’t a single person on the planet who’s ‘just born with it’.
I wrote this blog to show you exactly where confidence reserves are built, and how you can dip into them whenever you need a pick me up.
Let’s get going.
Waiting to feel confident is the biggest trap in leadership
Think of a leader you admire – someone who walks into a room and owns it. They make decisions without breaking a sweat. You’ve literally never heard an ‘um’ or ‘like’ escape their lips.
They're faking it.
They’re not being dishonest, they’re actually being pretty smart about it. But it’s not real – there’s fear in there somewhere.
Take Jessica Ennis-Hill, Olympic gold medalist. She’s been pretty open in interviews about feeling so nervous before competitions that she'd literally throw up. Yet, to everyone watching, she’d never looked more ready.
What athletes like Jess understand - and what research backs up - is that waiting to feel confident before you do anything is twisted. It’s a bit like saying you'll only get in the pool after you've learned to swim.
How the hell are you going to learn to swim without getting wet?
Confidence doesn't come before action - it comes after. Every time you do something and survive, you prove to yourself that you're fire, and you can handle it.
Think about when you last felt confident.
I'll bet it wasn't before trying something hard - it was after you'd already done it a few times. Those "naturally confident" leaders aren't any different - they've just figured out the secret: act first, feel later.
Make deposits before you need to make withdrawals
If you crack under pressure, you’re probably trying to withdraw confidence that you’d never built up in the first place. It’s a bit like banking.
Anything that proves to yourself that you've got this counts as a deposit into your ‘confidence bank’.
Maybe you handled a tough conversation well, got some really great feedback, or solved a problem everyone else was stuck on. Stop, take a sec to notice the win, and try to avoid rushing straight over to the next fire.
There’s quite a bit of science to back this up, too.
A ‘win’ triggers a flood of dopamine in the brain that strengthens the neural pathways linked to confidence. This means that when you track your wins, you're literally training your brain to access confidence next time you need it.
Of course, not everyone is presented with a huge opportunity to win daily, but you can create some for yourself in lower-risk settings first. Personally, I quite like saying “YAY!” out loud whenever I complete a home task.
That’s kind of embarrassing to admit here, but it does make me feel really good! And keeps my bank nice and full. Perhaps you could try it, and let me know how it felt – if you don’t celebrate your wins, who will?
Becoming your heroic self through mental rehearsal
You've probably seen a fair few TikToks of kids who insist on wearing superhero costumes in their day-to-day. But that tiny Batman at the supermarket isn't just some cute roleplay – he’s on to something.
Researchers at the University of California actually did a study on kids who pretended to be Batman while doing challenging tasks, and what they found is actually quite cool.
They oozed perseverance and focus. It’s now called the "Batman effect”, of course.
It works just as well for grown-ups, too. I'm not suggesting you wear a cape to your next meeting (though that would be such a power move), but developing your own professional alter ego can transform how you handle pressure - just like Bruce Wayne becomes Batman when Gotham needs him most.
Here's how to use this right away:
Set aside five minutes before your next high-stakes situation for mental rehearsal.
Create your leadership alter ego - give this version of yourself a name that actually sounds cool, unlike my lame suggestions of "Board Room Claire" or "Decision Maker David." They were literally the first two that came to mind.
Visualise in detail how this confident version of you moves through a challenge - notice your posture, tone of voice, and how you respond to questions or pushback.
Make it vivid - the more detailed your mental picture, the more effective this technique becomes.
Trust the process - mental rehearsal activates the same neural circuits as physical practice, creating a blueprint your brain follows under pressure. You’ve got this.
Try it before your next tough moment. You'll be surprised how differently you show up!
Why failure is your greatest confidence builder
When Bear Grylls broke his back in a parachuting accident, it would have been pretty easy for him to decide his career was toast. But, two years later, he was standing on top of Mount Everest, despite being told he might never walk again!
The magic is in how he processes failure. Most leaders get this really wrong. They either obsess over it forever or brush it off without learning anything. Both approaches drain your confidence bank and leave you in overdraft.
High-performers handle failure differently. They follow these three steps:
Separate the event from identity. The failure was something that happened, not who you are. Notice how you feel when you say "I failed" versus "That didn't work."
Grab the lesson, not the feeling. Specifically ask yourself: "What will I do differently next time?" Literally ask it out loud. It’ll force you to answer.
Take immediate, small action. Don't wait around to rebuild confidence. Make a tiny move forward that proves you've still got it!
The key here isn’t ignoring the failure, but converting it into sustainable confidence.
BUILDING A CONFIDENCE TRIBE
We often think of building professional confidence as a solo journey, but that's really not the way to go about it. You’re your most confident self when you’re alone and nobody’s watching – spending time around people is exactly what will help you to build public confidence, especially when things get intense.
Research has found that performance under pressure improves by up to 37% when leaders have what they called a "confidence tribe" - a carefully chosen group who provides honest feedback and support.
Sounds great! A group of friends who support everything you do – awesome.
But this really isn't about collecting yes-people. Actually, it's the opposite. You want people to tell you where you suck, too.
Your confidence tribe should include a healthy balance of:
Truth-tellers. People who give honest feedback without any agenda. They'll tell you when your presentation flopped, but in a way that builds you up rather than tears you down. When you find these people, keep them close! They’re rare.
Success spotters. Most of us completely miss our own progress. A good success spotter help you notice deposits into your confidence bank that you probably missed.
Perspective-providers. When you're in the thick of high-stakes pressure, these connections remind you that what you're feeling is both normal and totally manageable, without beating you up about it.
Above anything, teaching others is what builds your own confidence the most. When you explain what you know, you reinforce your own mastery - which is why mentoring often benefits the mentor as much as the mentee. Build your own confidence tribe and allow yourself to be part of others’, too.
Think about your professional relationships through this lens. Are you surrounded by confidence builders or confidence drainers? A strong social ecosystem can make all the difference between thriving under pressure and falling apart.
A QUICK RECAP
We've covered a lot here. Let's go over it once more real quick:
Reverse the confidence equation: Act first, let confidence follow
Build your confidence bank: Make regular deposits by tracking wins and looking out for growth experiences
Be more Batman: Use an alter ego to step into your strongest self
Turn failure into fuel: Use the three-step process to grow from setbacks
Find your tribe: Surround yourself with truth-tellers, success spotters, and perspective-providers
Knowing this stuff won't build your confidence if you don't use it. Sounds obvious, but it’s pretty easy to read an article on the internet and give yourself a pat on the back.
The real work starts now.
Choose a technique from this article – just one – and commit to practicing it daily for the next week. Maybe it's networking, or starting a wins journal. The specific practice matters less than actually sticking with it.
Like I said earlier, confidence isn't about feeling ready. It's about taking action before you feel ready, and building your capabilities through consistency.
At Your Future Forward, I help leaders like you optimise optimise their health, habits, and mindset to perform at their best - without burnout. If you'd like to know more or work with me, drop me a line here.
Stay strong, stay balanced
Yvette x
